Falling For The Lawyer Page 6
How Alex wished she could explain it away. How she wished she could dismiss it as a meaningless hesitation to act on his part. But JP’s eyes were locked with hers the whole time, confirming the treacherous swing bridge of possibilities that had been thrown up over the canyon dividing them—a canyon more vast than he could ever begin to imagine.
“Are you hurt?” he whispered huskily, urgently.
“No, I’m okay, thank you,” she murmured back and then with a sickening lurch of her stomach she remembered who she was and the promises she’d made to another—Simon.
Somewhere in New Zealand Simon was working hard for their future, unaware that his fiancée was lolling about in the arms of her new boss, her body moving into nothing short of primeval overdrive at his touch.
A deep, all pervading rush of shame swept through her as she extracted herself from JP’s supporting hands to put distance between them.
“I’m sorry,” she muttered quietly.
JP watched her intently, his expression taut with self-restraint. “Don’t be. You liked that as much as I did.”
“I didn’t.”
“Well if that’s what it’s like to hold you when you don’t want me, I’d love to have you in my arms when you do.”
“Don’t JP … please. You’re my boss,” Alex implored, mortified by the all-consuming physical urges that still held her in their grip.
She was at a loss as to how to ward off the effect he was having upon her, ignorant until that moment that men and women could feel for each other what she was feeling for JP. She’d always been sceptical of those chick flicks where couples were almost out of their minds with desire for one another. She’d always assumed they were so far removed from reality it was almost laughable. Yet there she was, in touching distance of a man who she could hardly think straight around, who seemed to reach for a woman inside her no one had ever known before—a woman she hadn’t even dreamed existed until that moment.
“You’re right,” he said after a seemingly interminable silence. “Those comments were unforgivable. I apologise.”
“Let’s just forget it happened,” Alex suggested quickly.
JP nodded in response and his eyebrows drew together. “We need to talk about how we’re going to manage the work allocation from now on.” He straightened and shrugged his shoulders as though that would put the required formality back into their exchange. “I can’t have a situation arise again where I don’t know what’s going on in my own office but I think I have a solution.”
“What is it?”
“Not here,” he replied, shaking his head. “I’m out now for a few hours but I want to talk to you when I get back. Will you wait?” He was pinning her down with his eyes and she couldn’t refuse him anything when he looked at her like that.
“I’ll wait … but this afternoon …”
“I’ve been in the office for the last hour so there’s more work on your desk,” he replied immediately, reading her thoughts. “If by any chance it’s been removed again I want you to call me—but I don’t think that will be necessary.”
And right then Alex knew she wouldn’t have to explain the trouble with Vera that morning. Somehow, JP understood what had happened between his two PAs. He knew she was blameless in the whole affair, despite any account Vera may have given him to the contrary.
JP continued through the foyer then and out of the building into the bright afternoon light as a strange possessive longing for something she needed or wanted surged up in Alex’s chest.
Simon. That was what she needed.
He’d been away too long and she was missing him. That was why her head was scrambled. If she could just see him again she knew her confused feelings for JP would disappear. But seeing Simon was impossible and so she reached for the next best thing.
Alex hit the fast dial button on her mobile phone. After a few rings a familiar voice greeted her from the other end.
“Hi Hun,” Simon’s up-beat voice reached her from thousands of miles away.
“I just wanted to ring, to hear your voice and make sure everything’s okay.”
“Everything’s fine, Al. Why do you ask?”
“No reason. We just haven’t spoken for a few days, that’s all.”
“I know. I know. I was going to call you last night but got caught up in a meeting.”
“That’s okay. I know you’re really busy.”
“How’s everything with you? Has the Grim Reaper arrived?”
“Yes,” Alex said, but hoped the conversation wouldn’t centre on the very man she was desperately trying to put out of her mind.
“How’s he going? As bad as everyone expected?”
“No, not exactly,” Alex replied, flailing around for neutral responses as she ran a trembling hand through her hair.
“Well, if I have my way you won’t have to suffer him for too much longer.”
Alex tensed, knowing Simon was leading up to an announcement of some kind. “What do you mean?”
“Just business. Nothing you need to trouble your pretty little head about.”
Alex hated herself for the irritation that prickled her skin. She was sure Simon didn’t mean to be patronising when he dismissed her like that. Normally it didn’t bother her too much that he wouldn’t discuss business with her—and he never did—but it rankled her today.
“You know how I hate surprises, Simon,” Alex replied with a strong hint in her voice that she wanted to be told what was going on.
“You’ll know soon enough,” he resisted, oblivious to her meaning.
Alex gave up. He’d stopped listening to her on that subject and she knew it would be useless to press. “Are you looking after yourself?” she asked, preferring to change the subject.
“Pretty much, probably a bit too much fast food. But when you’re in and out of meetings you can’t always sit down to a proper meal. Let’s just say I’m looking forward to some of your great home-style cooking—almost as good as my mum’s you know. Oh, that reminds me, guess who was in Auckland and rang me.”
“Who?”
“Your cousin, Monique. She’s been travelling around the North Island.”
“Really, I didn’t know she was over there,” Alex replied, glancing at her watch to see that the afternoon was heading for two o’clock.
“Nor did I. Anyway, it was great to see her. She was staying in an apartment and cooked a meal for me.”
“That was nice of her.”
“Wasn’t it,” he agreed chirpily.
“Simon, I’m sorry this is a short call. I just wanted to say ‘hi’ but I’d better go now, I’m late back from lunch.’
“Okay, no problem. I’ll be talking to you sooner than you think anyway.”
Alex paused on the other end of the line. “Will you? How come?” she queried again at his thinly veiled reference to a change of plans but it was too late. Either the call had dropped out or he’d rung off thinking their conversation was at an end.
Despite the mystery boxes he’d thrown at her Alex was glad she’d called. It was reassuring to hear his steady, self-assured voice on the other end.
She felt back on track again and that was how she was supposed to feel: calm and together and not as though she was on an emotional precipice. Why on earth would she be feeling on a precipice anyway when she had everything a girl could want or need: a devoted fiancé, a loving family and a job she enjoyed, at least in the short term. And with that thought lingering as she headed back to work, Alex felt ashamed of having wondered whether what she had might never feel like enough again.
Chapter Five
Alex had a lovely afternoon.
Vera stayed out of her way and she had plenty to be going on with. JP had left a stack of files on her desk adorned with countless yellow post-it notes containing cryptic instructions in his scrawling handwriting.
One thing that did strike Alex as a little strange was that the work he’d left for her involved more drafting and research than she’d ever
done before. It was not really work which a PA would ordinarily do. She could only guess that Vera had been left to type JP’s letters, manage his diary and take his telephone calls but Alex wasn’t about to go in search of her to find out.
The afternoon disappeared in a flash. Before long, other PAs were turning off computers and organising their desks for the following day. There was still no sign of JP but Alex didn’t mind. It gave her more time to steel herself for their next meeting. And she’d resolved that once that was over she would find a way to do her job and keep her distance from him at the same time. Some brief exchanges at her desk or in his office were all that were necessary. If she could stick to that then their conversations could be kept short and business like.
With those thoughts churning in her mind she worked into the early evening. By that time she was confident she’d scaled and conquered her fears about the effect he was having upon her, so it was with dismay that she found her pulse leapt out of the barrier as soon as she heard his voice across the office.
He was talking to two lawyers about their working arrangements and current matters. Alex tried to focus on her work but it was useless; she couldn’t help but follow every part of his conversation.
He seemed to be able to walk the treacherous line between authority and equality. She could tell the lawyers were hanging on his every word yet they shared jokes and he listened to their suggestions. If he didn’t agree with them he had a way of putting his views back to them without criticism. Alex was transfixed.
Finally their conversation wound up. She could sense he was moving towards her and got to her feet to meet him in an effort to keep things formal.
“Would we be able to have that conversation about work allocation now?” she asked as he approached.
“No problem.”
Alex nodded and followed him into his office. He closed the door behind them.
“Take a seat.” He moved to sit behind his desk, locking his hands behind his head and leaning back in his chair. “I want you to change jobs,” he announced in a business-like fashion before she could say anything.
Alex knew her expression was dissolving into a running palette of shock and dismay. Studying the change in her in curious fascination, JP withdrew his hands slowly from behind his head and leaned forward, resting his elbows on the desk.
“Alex.”
“What?”
“I don’t mean leave the firm … or my office. I’m not sacking you.”
Her baffled dark-eyed gaze met his across the desk. “You’re not?”
“No. I want you to change roles,” he explained, smiling at the way she always assumed the worst possible outcome, waiting for the axe to fall on her life. “I don’t want you to work with me as a PA any longer.”
Alex was still looking at him in bewilderment.
“I’m going to offer you a role as a paralegal so that you can start studying law. I’ve looked up your leaving results and quite frankly, with those marks it’s a crime you’re not already through a law degree and working as one of my solicitors. Anyway, we can’t turn back time but we can sort things out now. You’ll have no trouble getting into one of the part-time courses so that you can keep working here.”
Alex gaped at him. She seemed incapable of speech.
“You must have considered this,” he prompted, wondering whether she would ever contribute to the discussion.
Alex shook her head in dumb response.
“You haven’t?”
“Not in such detail … the move to a paralegal position … none of that.”
“How can that be possible? You have raw instincts for the law and there’s no doubt you have the academic ability. Most importantly though the work you’ve done here tells me you’re just downright passionate about it. You couldn’t have applied yourself and acquired the knowledge you have without having done extensive reading. Is that right, Alex? Have you been teaching yourself law in your own time?”
“Not teaching myself exactly, but I read our Counsels’ advices, and I read books from the library here so that I understand the work I’m doing. But I’ve been happy working as a PA. I can’t become a lawyer JP, not now.”
JP rose to his feet and wandered over to the window, keeping his back to her. He needed to have her out of his line of vision to collect his thoughts for a minute.
The conversation was not turning out the way he’d expected because he’d expected her to leap at the fabulous opportunity he was offering her. In fact, who was he kidding? He’d been looking forward to telling her—looking forward to making her happy.
“I had no idea you’d resist this,” he began again in disbelief as he swung around to her. “You don’t seem to understand. I’ve spoken to my partners about it. Every year the firm offers one paralegal a generous grant towards university costs. You’d have to write a four thousand word essay on ethics but that won’t be a problem for you. You’ll blitz it, Alex.”
“Thank you, but I can’t accept,” Alex replied, a flat but determined edge to her voice.
Sensing she was in the process of erecting a brick wall between them JP dragged a chair near her and sat down.
“Okay Alex. I’m being frozen out here but I need to know what’s going on in that head of yours.” He was straining to keep his voice from rising in frustration.
“You’ve made me an offer and I’ve declined,” she shrugged. “So I guess that means my position as an Assistant PA has disappeared.”
“This has got nothing to do with getting rid of your position,” JP replied angrily. She was definitely shutting him out and he had to stop that happening before she slipped out of his reach altogether.
“Even if the offer hasn’t got anything to do with the PA position,” she went on in a businesslike monotone. “I know you’re policy on PAs so we may as well sort that problem out right now. Today’s demonstrated there’s no shared role here for Vera and me.”
“You’re right about that. I don’t need two PAs but I do need a paralegal and you’re the best candidate.”
“I’m sure there are other PAs who’d jump at the chance.”
“I don’t want anyone else!” JP almost shouted. He rose to his feet again and began to pace the room, shocked at the passion behind his last outburst. “Why don’t you want to become a lawyer?” he asked, trying to steady his voice and break down her obduracy with a technique he was comfortable with: cross-examination.
“That’s a silly question. Why don’t you want to become a hairdresser … or a vet … or a mechanic?”
But JP heard the tiniest of wobbles in her voice. He had to keep prising her open before she clammed up again.
“Don’t be obtuse, Alex,” he replied slightly more calmly than before as he threw himself onto a chair near hers. “Is it the study you’re worried about?”
Alex shook her head.
“Is it the balance of the fees you’ll have to pay? You’ll be on an increased salary as a paralegal you know. It will cover things. And it doesn’t mean you’re bound to the firm—there’s no pay back if you decide to leave.”
“No, it’s not any of those things!” Alex almost cried out and he knew he’d nearly cracked her open, the strain visible around her eyes.
“Is it the long hours, or the difficulty of the work? I can help you with that …”
“I’m engaged!”
Silence descended upon them both like a blanket.
During his years at university a lecturer had once passed on to JP the age-old legal adage: never ask a question in cross-examination when you don’t have a damn good idea of what the answer will be. He knew he’d just fallen seriously foul of that rule for the first time in his career. “You’re what?”
“I’m engaged to be married.”
Without thinking about the utter inappropriateness of what he was doing JP reached for her left hand and took it in his. Caressing her long fingers he stared in particular at the one where the engagement ring should have been.
He k
new he had no right to touch her or speak to her like that but in the short time he’d known her she’d gotten right under his skin. Her commitment to another man wasn’t resonating with the instant rapport, the chemistry, the frisson, whatever you wanted to call it, that had wrapped the two of them up in knots from the moment they’d met.
“Why aren’t you wearing an engagement ring?” Without looking up he let go of her hand. “They do serve a number of purposes you know, one of which is to stop men making complete fools of themselves around engaged women.”
“We haven’t gotten around to buying one because my fiance’s been living in New Zealand but he’s coming back here to live—very soon.”
“How long have you been engaged?”
“Three years.”
“Three years! Why on Earth would anyone become engaged for three years? Who is he?”
“His name’s Simon.”
“Simon. For three years. And you’ve never gotten around to getting an engagement ring, let alone getting married. What does he do, this Simon?”
JP watched on as Alex drew herself up in defensive response. “He manufactures clothing. And it’s not like that … the way you’re putting it … you’re twisting it around … making it sound like I don’t want to get married.”
“Do you want to get married?”
“Of course.”
JP paused before throwing caution to the wind. He needed to see her reaction to the next comment. “Forgive me if I say the signals you’ve put out to me are not consistent with a woman who’s head over heels in love with another man.”
“Don’t you think I know that?” Alex threw at him wretchedly and tore both her hands through her hair. JP watched on as a look of sheer agony and despair moved across her face. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me and I feel sick about it!”
JP wondered whether he’d been with Caroline so long he’d lost his ability to read women but Alex’s reaction told him all he needed to know. She had feelings for him, just as he had for her, but unlike him she was worried about those feelings —very worried.